Christmas day is about being with loved ones but this year I will be spending it alone and so I have been thinking about ways to make it still nice and Christmassy with out feeling unloved and depressed. I find Christmas a challenging time as it reminds me of my mum and we don’t have a very healthy relationship and also my ex husband used to leave me around dates I felt hard and I spent a couple Christmas days alone when I was married so for me its really important to have a bit of a plan as I have many negative associations around this time of year. I miss loving Christmas and I want to take it back and attach happy memories but this year I will be on my own.

The main DBT skills that have come up so far are:

*Coping ahead – making a plan for the worst case and situations that are perceived as stressful. Part of this is looking into the skills that can be helpful on the day, some are noted bellow.

*Radical acceptance – Covid had made seeing people harder this year and so it is what it is for Christmas.

*Turning the mind- turning the mind back to acceptance that I am spending the main day of Christmas alone but that it doesn’t mean I’m not loved.

*Wise mind thinking

*Cheerleading – Positive statements to reinforce the belief I have in myself and my abilities to handle this.

*Checking the facts – if I am spiralling then I know I can check the facts to try and find a more wise mind perspective.

I wanted to share some of the things I have been thinking about and planning.

The first thing I did was buy myself 2 gift advent calendars because I am a big kid when it comes to Christmas day and when i was younger I was a child of a mother who bought my love, so Christmas was big when I was little. In a way it doesn’t feel like Christmas or that I’m loved with out all the gifts. I actually think that’s really sad as that’s not what Christmas is meant to be or how a mother is meant to show their love.

Luckily i have also been really spoilt by my besties so that should help me to remember and reinforce that just as I’m alone Christmas day it doesn’t mean no one is thinking of me and that I’m not loved.

This year I have a lot of love to give and Christmas is meant to be about giving so I am also doing a giveaway on my PositivelyBPD Facebook page where followers can leave their amazon ( or other) wish lists and I have been sending out little gifts to followers I have got to know and who have been an awesome support this year. Iv also been spoiling my best ones so they know how much I appreciate them.

I now have a plan to see my Dad for a couple of days leading up to Christmas to spend some quality time together. So that will be really nice and something else that I can use to help me *turn the mind* when I’m back on my own.

When I got the idea to do all this I was single but I seem to have fallen into a new relationship. As it would have it because of Covid and as he has children he’s not around for Christmas which now makes my *coping ahead* plan all the more important. We are going to try and find a day to have a little Christmas together and spend some time together.

I am also thinking about food for Christmas and how its a little bit exciting that I don’t need to make any compromises on the day as I can have and do what I want when I want. I wont lie, I would rather be with the people I love on the day itself but I have to look for little positives and silver linings.

x x x x

I really hope sharing these things I am doing can be helpful to some one who might be struggling with something similar x